By Alec Morton “Nice guys finish last” and “bad boys finish first” are two of the most widely known phrases in the dating and relationship world. But are these sayings really true? Can studies prove them wrong? One way to investigate this issue of “nice guys vs. bad boys” is to present a group of women with three hypothetical men with three different personality types and see which guy they prefer to be friends with and or date. And this study did just that. Female participants had to choose from three male contestants. In one, the guy was heartwarming and kind, or what some would call the “nice guy”. In another, the man was a “bad boy”, who was somewhat insensitive and unkind. The last one was neutral, with not a lot of emotion being expressed. Obviously, the nicer contestant was chosen most frequently by the participants, on the contrary to the stereotype that “nice guys finish last”. So why do nice guys still “finish last” and bad boys “finish first”, even if women clearly want the nice guy? First, we must start by describing what a “bad boy” is and what qualities they possess that make them more attractive by most women. Male narcissists, or “bad boys”, are known for being master manipulators. At first, they may seem to be well-adjusted, charming, and generally nice. All of which paired with what seems to be a warm heart and the right amount of confidence is the perfect guy many women dream of, right? He isn't overly nice and not overly mean. Well, while this may seem to be the “perfect” match, this “perfect” image doesn’t stick around for long. In the long term, “bad boys” find it difficult very quickly to maintain a favorable impression and soon become bored of the friendship or relationship. In turn, they coop by becoming more hostile, more arrogant, and less warm as time passes on. Not surprisingly, it's been proven that “bad boys” don’t like long-term friendships or committed relationships anyways. So if that’s the case, why do many women, ranging anywhere from their early high school years to their late twenties, still fall for the “bad boy” personality type, even after knowing what’s going to happen? There is no one answer to this question, but usually, “bad boys” tend to know many influential physiological strategies and advantages that help project their image and manipulate their way into a relationship. This isn't always the case, but sometimes “bad boys” are able to associate love with hurt. When a good girl is hurt by a “bad boy”, she tends to relate that same hurt with the hurt she sees within other relationships in her life. Therefore, she expects that because she is hurt in the same way, she will also feel love in the same way, from when they first started talking, leaving her to like the guy more and more to achieve the love she hopes for, and bad boys know that, so they quickly take advantage. Then there’s the other side of the spectrum. The “nice guy”. Known probably for being shy and emotionally weak, they are more than likely to be TO available, TO giving, and TO needy or clingy, leaving the sense of wanting to see or talk to each other to be worn out over time, arising the commonly known phrase “nice guys finish last”. But being a caring, compassionate, and considerate person isn't a bad thing. Compassion builds trust and trust is an extremely important aspect of everybody's lives. For the really down to earth people, a nice guy’s compassion and trust tends to override all the things bad boys usually have, like money and materialistic things. As brain studies show, when social relationships feel safe and both people exhibit the same level of trust, the brain’s instinctual stress response tends to level out and become more stable. Adam Grant, a professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, points to research conducted by Fiona Lee at the University of Michigan, which shows that promoting compassion between each other encourages creativity, and an overall sense of happiness. But what comes with compassion is the ability to understand someone else’s pain, which can sometimes be difficult. Not many people can sympathize or say they understand someone else’s pain or problems because we are all different, we all have different states of mind, and we are all put into different situations, and unfortunately, some situations are worse than others. But that’s where over a short period of time to a long period of time, the “nice guy” qualities in a guy tend to stand out more because a lot of women can tell the difference between a bad boy’s fake, short-lived kindness and a nice guy’s genuine care for the other person in the long run. And "nice guys" are like that because they were probably emotionally and physically put down, while being raised in a bad household environment. They tend to know how this feels and they don't wish that upon anybody else, so they are more thoughtful, but sometimes this overwhelming thoughtfulness can be to much. That’s why many guys want to find the right balance and become the “perfect guy”, that being confident enough to not be pushed around, but nice enough to be around. Taking a personality test on 16personalities.com, out of the 16 personalities listed, I was found to be an “advocate”. The opening line for the advocate personality type is that this “personality type is very rare, making up less than one percent of the population”. The traits listed in the advocate category seem to summarize me, for the most part. Being a guy, some may think of these advocate traits to coincide with the “nice guy” stereotype. I do have some of the “nice guy” personality traits, and I’m fine with that. I would rather be a genuine, nice person who speaks my mind truthfully, than a person who lies and manipulates for self-interest. Being raised in rather poor family where I was put in predicaments and situations that were sometimes unjust and troubling, extreme emotional distress isn't anything new to me. But I was also raised to treat women, and everyone, with respect, even through the toughest times, as long as they treat me with respect. And vice versa. Therefore, as I've gotten older, from my viewpoint, I've seemed to develop the skill to be a very intimate and nice person, but when I’m being played or pushed around, I know how to deal with it accordingly. Works Cited
Seppälä, E. M., Ph.D. (2016, February 2). Why Nice Guys Really Do Finish First. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/feeling-it/201602/why-nice-guys-really-do-finish-first Swami, V. (2016, May 19). Do women really go for 'bad boys'? Here's the science that settles the question. Retrieved from https://theconversation.com/do-women-really-go-for-bad-boys-heres-the-science-that-settles-the-question-59409 AdvocatePersonality INFJ-A / INFJ-T. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.16personalities.com/infj-personality Image Link
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